Thought on learning a second language

It is much easier to understand when I am listening to a conversation rather than being directly addressed. Probably I don't notice how much I don't get when I'm only listening because it isn't so important that I catch all, but my comprehension still seems higher. It feels like my brain, when I'm being addressed, is having to carry out other functions as well, not just listen. It requires an intensity of attention, often embarrassment for some reason as well. And becoming embarrassed seems to be the best way to learn new things. My brain remembers information very well when they are attached to embarrassment and revelation of ignorance. Making a mistake is powerful.

My comprehension is much lower earlier in the day (or after I've just woken up) and improves as the day progresses. At night it's decent. Maybe because my brain is still switching back to English while I sleep? I have dreamed in Spanish one night and I suspect that as that increases this phenomenon will dissipate.

It is easier to just say that you understand sometimes even when you don't.

People talk about you in third person when they don't think you can understand. Often that's when you actually understand what they are saying because they use your name to refer to you and it triggers your attention. There is a very fine line between being talked to and being talked about because both are often happening simultaneously.

It is much easier to understand someone when they use your name at the beginning of the sentence instead of the end because it makes you pay attention. Attention is the main factor. If I really try, I can get it, but it takes too much effort to do so all time.

Switching is hard. Just now I was addressed by my host father (in Castellano of course). But because I had been typing in English, I replied to him in English. This happens every time I answer and email or write in English: My Spanish brain shrivels and it takes me a few moments to recover it.

I can't play with language in Spanish. Not (just) because my control of the language is inadequate, but because people just expect you to be using words incorrectly, not creatively.

I tend to repeat everything (and hence I am a Loro) because I often can't think fast enough to say anything else in response.

I am unable to say goodbye as I would like to because the situations come fast and I can't express emotion (gratitude) very well. Emotions are expressed very sensitively in language and I don't yet have the sensitivity in Spanish do so. It's always coarse or trite. When I get excited, at a basketball game for example, I accidentally shout things in English. Expletives are so much better in your mother tongue.

You have to surrender control because you often agree to all kinds of things you didn't intend. I have eaten so much food (and gone places) because of this.